LIPO-suction: HENRY wallet-emptying machines
Sure, the Boomers are to blame for a lot of things. But we have Millennials to thank for ruining luxury.
The newest form of social engineering to empty our pockets are faux-luxury brands offering elevated experiences (aka $185 hoodies) and hype in exchange for sub-par products and services. The latest of these is Aime Leon Dore, Teddy Santis’ brainchild that blurs the lines between traditional and contemporary, streetwear and sophisticated.
I traveled to NYC this week to keynote the Mondelez Commerce 2030 global summit, a gathering of 160 leaders from across their brand portfolio. To kill time between the summit and my flight I caught the R train to Spring Street, and visited a few shops that I have been meaning to see IRL. After hearing my cofounder Brian gush over the Aime Leon Dore in-store experience, I went to see it with my own two lookin-balls; I was shocked… shocked… that I wound up spending a significant amount of money in the store.
An intoxicating experience, the ALD store extracts money from HENRY wallets like a child pries spare change from their parents’ hands to throw into a wishing fountain. Before I knew it I had spent $400. I know. It’s gross. I’m sorry. I subsequently lavished praise on the brand to my “iykyk” sneakerhead groups. I am now part of the cool kids club. I have first-party experience of what makes a brand so special that can never ever be replicated in digital. What is possible in the real world is just irreplicable online. Who buys an ashtray, a hoodie, and a ballcap in one eCom purchase? Nobody. But I did. Yep.
Here’s where it falls down. The very next day I received an email notifying me of a 40% off sale for the very items I just bought. The most basic tenets of being a digital merchant are lost on the New Luxury businesses. My support request politely asking for a refund of the difference in my purchase received an automated response: “we don’t monitor this inbox. submit a request over here.” in frustrating all-lower-case millennial smuggitude.
The request form impolitely informed me that I can expect a response in five to seven business days.
Maybe ALD are victims of their own success, a product of too-much-too-fast? Maybe omnichannel is too difficult for new brands with too many customers and too few experienced operators? Or maybe they’re luxury only in price. A veritable suction cup that extracts money from dumdums like me who get social capital from being in-the-know.
I’m calling this LIPOsuction: Luxury in Price Only. And that Sucks.
— Phillip
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Cover Photo: Aimé Leon Dore x New Balance Campaign
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